Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
