it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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