She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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