can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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