It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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