i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
