2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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