She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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