I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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