Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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