I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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