I swear god or herbie drove my car home
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I love you.
Bad choice
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
