Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
