According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
