so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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