dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
