Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
