i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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