I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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