Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
