Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
