The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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