Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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