it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize