I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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