He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
