you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
