I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
