if we break up, who will get the dealer?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
