i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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