Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
