watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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