soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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