I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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