You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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