Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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