i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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