You're my little dorito
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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