We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm both gender and math confused
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
