I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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