i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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