well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
