You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk is a universal language darling
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
