A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
