I just cut my nipple shaving
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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