Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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