Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
