I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
