Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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