I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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