matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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