my phone needs a breathalizer
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
