His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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