so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
