Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
