i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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