I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
