3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
