As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
